


palpitations

by ordanary



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan’s mum has a heart attack, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Neighbours AU, death of dog, father leaves I guess, timelines aren’t consistent don’t hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordanary/pseuds/ordanary
Summary: Dan and Phil meet as neighbours, grow up as best friends, and mature as something more. Knowing that things change and people grow, Phil isn’t at all scared for what the future may have in store for them.





	1. eleven

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so hear me out. This fic completely robbed me of my social life for roughly a week, so pls for the love of god, enjoy. 
> 
> This fic is kinda all over the place in the sense that some of the events that take place do not match up with the cannon timelines, so bare with me, okay. Also I either have genuinely no idea or just can’t remember what Dan’s real mums name is, so for the sake of this fic, it’s Jenny. 
> 
> That’s all, I hope you enjoy !!

The summer after Phil turned eleven, the Watkinsons, an elderly couple who had lived across the street, moved into a retirement home in the next town over. Phil had been slightly disappointed, as Mrs. Watkinson often made the area smell of freshly baked cookies and other sweets, but he was also excited. 

You see, one evening Phil’s mum had brought him the exciting news that their new neighbors had a son his age, and that was enough to make him almost completely forget about any worries he’d previously had about the Watkinsons leaving. 

This new family, the Howells, consisted of two very young parents, a boy, and a dog named Colin. Phil still remembered marvelling at how strange and mundane of a name that was for a dog. Colin was the first of the Howells to officially meet Phil, as he had forcefully ran at him one afternoon while he’d been retrieving the mail for his parents. Behind him, the little dog had pulled a measly brunette boy with big, brown eyes and a Pokémon shirt that Phil was sure he had somewhere in his closet as well. 

Colin jumped on Phil’s legs, the eleven year old laughing and leaning down to pet the dog. The small tibetan terrier growled briefly before whimpering loudly as the brunette boy harshly yanked him back by his lead. “Bad Colin!” The boy scolded, pouting exaggeratedly at the dog. He then diverted his attention up to Phil, smiling shyly and giving him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry about him, he’s not very good with strangers.”

Phil smiled back. “It’s okay,” he assured the boy. Phil settled himself down onto the rough pavement in front of the feisty pup, ever so slowly reaching a tentative hand out for Colin to sniff. Colin hesitated a moment before leaning forward a bit and sniffing Phil’s small outstretched fingers, his wet nose tickling Phil’s hand. 

“Hello, Colin,” Phil spoke gently. “I’m Phil. It’s very nice to meet you.” 

Colin recoiled a small bit but quickly got back to smelling Phil’s hand, as if he were trying to analyse every aspect of the unfamiliar scent. After a moment, he lifted his small head to look Phil in the eye, giving him a look that said ‘I like you but that doesn’t mean I trust you’. Phil perceived this as a success, nevertheless.

The brunette boy picked up the dog from the pavement and held him at an arm's distance away from himself, giving Colin a dirty look. 

“It took you a whole month to warm up to me, but it took only a few seconds to start liking him? I see how it is,” he muttered. 

Phil laughed again. “Maybe he only sees you as a boy slave,” he suggested. 

The boy faked an expression of bitterness before laughing as well, and shaking his head fondly at the small dog. “Oh, probably. I’m Dan, by the way.”

Phil stood, seeing as not only was it a bit awkward to still be on the ground when Colin no longer was, but his leg muscles were beginning to get sore, too. This was probably due to the lack of exercise he received combined with the large amount of hours he spent indoors playing video games by himself. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Colin’s boy slave. I’m Phil.”

Dan pouted again. “I know.”

“So are you the Howell boy from across the street?” Phil asked, hopefully not too intrusively. 

Dan’s eyes lit up at the mention of his last name. “Yeah! How’d you know?” 

“My mum went over to meet your mum last night and showed me pictures of Colin. I also just saw you walk out of your garage, so there’s that, too.”

“Makes sense,” Dan laughed, stroking the slightly matted fur on top of Colin’s head. 

“I like your shirt,” spoke Phil. 

“You like Pokemon?” Dan asked enthusiastically.

“Yeah, like, a lot!” Phil hesitated but only a bit before asking Dan the next part. “Would you maybe wanna come over to mine for a bit and play video games with me for a while? I have Mario Kart and Crash Bandicoot.”

Dan grinned, “Yeah! Just let me go put Colin back inside and tell my dad where I’ll be. Thanks Phil!”

Phil grinned back, even wider than the brunette. “No problem. I’m gonna go take the mail in, so just knock when you’re back, okay?”

“Okay!”

Dan did knock not ten minutes later, and after quickly meeting Phil’s mum and older brother, they ventured up into Phil’s room to play enough rounds of Mario Kart to make their fingers numb. Dan was actually quite good, and Phil joked a few times about hating him for it. That wasn’t the case, though. In fact, that was merely the beginning of Dan and Phil’s long friendship. 


	2. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you get notified about this. i’m just separating this fic into chapters now as i think i’ll like it better like that.

Two years had past since the Howells had moved in across the street from Phil. In the meantime, they probably played more video games than either could even fathom counting. Dan and Phil had made it an almost routine to recruit to either of their homes in the afternoon to be in the other’s presence, and it usually resulted in them staying for dinner at whichever house they were in.

When that first September together had rolled around, they learned that Dan would be attending the same school as Phil, even ending up being in the same class. Since then, Dan and Phil’s mums had been sure to put in early requests each year that the two boys would end up in the same classrooms, which had been a plus for both their kids and them, seeing as it meant the two would always have a friend and they’d never have to worry about them being too lonely.

In the few weeks leading up to the end of the school year, Dan had sent out invitations to his thirteenth birthday. He’d decided to wait until after summer had officially began to celebrate the event, claiming that all the best parties were when school was out. That, and if it was a total flop then he wouldn’t bare witness to all of his classmates talking poorly about it in class the next Monday.

A few of his closest friends had RSVP’d, including the two class clowns, Chris and Pj, a pretty girl named Louise, and her best friend, Cat. And, well, Phil, of course. He didn’t even need to ask him.

“What are you even doing for your birthday?” Phil asked from his spot on Dan’s bed, where he laid on his stomach, eyes fixed on Dan’s television screen and a game controller in hand.

Dan hummed. “Normal party things. Mum says it will probably be my last real birthday party, so nothing crazy, I reckon. We’ll probably just play games while the girls are here and then watch movies or play video games on the telly downstairs with Chris and Peej after they leave.”

“Cool.” Phil died in the game they were playing, handing the controller back to Dan. “What do you want?”

“Huh?”

“For your birthday, I mean.”

“Oh. Uh, nothing is fine. I’m okay with nothing. Just show up and that’d be pretty cool.”

Phil laughed. As if he were really going to get his best friend nothing for his birthday. He would, however, have to think some more about that. Later, he thought.

So the next day after school, Phil made up some dumb excuse as to why he was unable to hang out with Dan and instead went to the mall with his mum. They went through multiple stores and shops before Phil finally came across the perfect thing for his friend.

He excitedly showed his mum, who laughed and agreed that Dan would absolutely love it before placing it on the store counter and paying.

The day of Dan’s birthday party, bad news settled over the city in the form of a dark and dreary rain cloud. The weather woman on the news channel forecasted a heavy rain, but nothing more, meaning that if there were no updates, Dan’s birthday party would be able to go one without any interferences.

But of course, that’s not how fate had decided to play out.

At two o’clock, an hour before the start of the party, Phil decided to turn on the television in the downstairs lounge. The device immediately turned on to the weather channel, big red print at the bottom of the screen listing off a multitude of cities in which a tornado warning was being issued.

And as luck would have it, the city of Manchester was on that list.

“Mum?” Phil called into the dimly lit house.

His mum appeared after a moment from around the corner, walking out of the kitchen and into the lounge to sit with Phil.

“Yes, love?”

Phil gestured to the TV with the remote which was still in his hand. “There’s a tornado warning for Manchester. Should we tell Dan’s parents?”

Kath bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth as she looked at the glowing screen with wary eyes. “I think so, Phil. Good catch. Dan might have to cancel the party, though.”

She stood as she spoke, turning just in time not to catch Phil’s disappointed frown. Poor Dan would be so upset.

Phil ran a frustrated hand through his dusty reddish brown air, switching off the television and leaning back on the sofa while he listened to his mum speaking on the phone to Jenny Howell. After a while, though, he began to tune out her voice, focusing instead on picking at a loose thread of his lion jumper.

When Kath reentered the lounge, she wore a soft smile. “Jenny is going to call up the parents of the other children and tell them the party’s been cancelled.”

Phil frowned. Moving to sit beside him once again, Kath wrapped a comforting arm around her sons skinny frame. “Don’t worry, child. Dan and his parents are coming over in a bit. They’re spending the night, and I think they’re bringing Colin, too.”

Phil smiled at this, laughing a bit in mock annoyance. “Oh, not the mutt!”

Kath chuckled, pushing gently at Phil’s shoulder before standing to her feet and announcing she was going to find the blow up mattress for Dan’s parents.

Twenty minutes later, Dan was knocking at Phil’s door and Phil was answering, giving his best friend a big ‘I'm sorry your birthday plans got canceled’ hug and then moving out of the way as his mother greeted Mr and Mrs Howell, Colin running between their feet and escaping to the laundry room.

They spent the next few hours playing card games in Martyn’s room before migrating back into Phil’s and snacking on some old gummies that he’d found in his bedside table.

“Y’know, these are kind of stale, Phil. How long have you even had these?” Dan asked, chewing on the sweets nevertheless.

“I’ve got no idea. I reckon since at least last Halloween, though.”

Dan visibly cringed as he handed the bag back to his friend. “Ew.”

Phil snatched it up, shoving another candy in his mouth and glaring at Dan.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Phil exclaimed, throwing down the bag of candy he’d been holding and crawling to the edge of his bed to grab the small gift bag he’d kept there. He thrusted it into Dan’s lap once he’d steadied himself back in his previous spot.

Dan laughed and grabbed hold of the petite, baby blue bag. “What’s this?”

“Your birthday present.”

Dan shook his head. “I told you I didn’t want anything,” he whined.

Rolling his eyes, Phil gently pushed the bag closer to Dan’s chest. “Just open your stupid gift, Howell.”

“Alright, Lester.” Dan placed the bag down in front of him and slowly pulled out the few pieces of purple tissue paper that Phil had stuck in there mostly for decoration.

Phil observed excitedly as Dan pulled out his gift, his slow hands smoothing gently over the brown fuzz of the garment.

“Is this a llama hat? Seriously, Phil?” He laughed, a mixture of fondness and amusement in his golden brown eyes.

“Yeah!” Phil laughed as well, leaning forward to snatch the hat from Dan’s grasp. He quickly smoothed down the short curls on the top of Dan’s head before placing the hat over them and pulling on the two dangly strings.

Dan grinned. “Thank you, Philly.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How long until dinner, do you think?” asked Dan.

Phil stood from his bed and walked over to the door, opening it a bit and leaning on the frame. “Mum? How long until dinner is ready?” He called down.

“About twenty minutes, dear!” Kath replied.

“Okay! Thanks.” Phil returned to the bed. “What do you wanna do while we wait?” He asked Dan.

“We could play a game?”

“Sure. What game do you wanna play?”

“Truth or Dare?” Dan proposed.

Phil shook his head. “Too boring. What about Never Have I Ever?”

“But we don’t have alcohol, you spoon,” Dan said, his eyebrows furrowed.

Phil lifted the bag of gummies, smirking at Dan’s sudden look of distaste. “If you’ve done it, you eat one.”

“Fine. I’ll go first. Never have I ever . . . Successfully pulled an all-nighter.”

Phil chuckled but didn’t reach for the candy. “Me neither. Never have I ever . . . Oh! Never have I ever broken a bone!”

Dan frowned, glaring angrily at his friend before grabbing the bag and shoving a candy in his mouth, swallowing quickly before sticking his tongue out in disgust.

Phil knew that Dan didn’t really find them that stale and gross, but the look on Dan’s face still made him laugh.

“Wait really? When did you break a bone? Which one?” Phil queried.

“Summer before year four. I was running down the stairs at my grandma’s house and I tripped and broke my foot,” Dan explained.

“Fun,” laughed Phil.

“Yeah, fun. Um, never have I ever–“ he paused looking Phil in the eye. “And you can’t judge me for this, but never have I ever been kissed.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Wait, really?” Dan shook his head. “Me neither!”

Dan cocked his head to the side, the bobbly strings on the end of his llama hat swaying back and forth with the quick movement. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion once again, and his eyes narrowed, as if trying to decipher whether Phil was lying or not.

“I’m not lying, I promise.”

“Huh,” said Dan. And then, “do you wanna get it over with, then?”

Phil was a bit shocked. Had he heard Dan right? “What?”

“Do you wanna get it over with?” Dan repeated. “Cause then when anyone asks, we can say that we’ve had our first kisses, and it won’t be a lie. We could even make up cool stories about who it was with and how pretty they were,” he suggested.

Was he serious, Phil wondered. Was his best friend really suggesting that they be each other’s first kisses in order to fool anyone who might ask in the future? And why was Phil genuinely considering it to be a good idea?

“Are you serious?” He asked, afraid of saying yes before he knew for sure that Dan wasn’t just trying to pick fun at him.

“Yeah, I mean why not? It’s not like it would make us awkward, I think. I mean, you’re my best friend, Phil.” Dan smiled at Phil, who in return smiled back as well and nodded. “It’s not like it would mean anything.”

Phil nodded again, really considering it. Why not? Dan was right, they’d both be able to get it over with and they could even spend the rest of the night helping each other make stories about their fake first times.

“Okay,” spoke Phil.

Dan perked up, the corners of his mouth lifting. “Really?” He asked excitedly.

Phil nodded, smiling shyly.

“Uh, okay. How do you, er, wanna do this?”

“Is there even a specific way it’s supposed to happen?”

“Beats me, Phil. I don’t know shit about kissing. Like, are you supposed to lean into me or am I supposed to lean into you? Or is it supposed to be like, mutual leaning? And what the fuck are we supposed to do with our mouths? Like, do we move them, or just stay still? I know I’m supposed to press my lips forward, too, but how much is too much pressing and how much is too little? And what if–“

It was probably just nerves combined with this fear of awkward silences, but Phil preferred to believe that it was his courageous and spontaneous personality that urged him to lean forward and press his lips to Dan’s, which if nothing else, at least stopped his speedy and insistent babbling.

He didn’t allow himself to think too much about all those things Dan had mentioned earlier, and instead let his mouth do what felt right and natural. Come to think of it, kissing took a lot less effort than he’d anticipated, being the insane over thinker that he was, much like Dan, apparently.

As he kissed back, Dan leaned into the touch, his hand finding its way onto Phil’s bicep and latching on.

The kiss didn’t last long, but it was definitely a kiss, and it definitely wasn’t bad. In fact, it almost left Phil wanting to do it again, but then he reminded himself who he was with and suddenly the urge lessened slightly. Only slightly.

“There,” Phil spoke after they’d pulled away, Dan’s grip still tight on his arm.

Dan looked at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly ajar and llama hat now a tad bit more crooked on his curly head of hair than it had been before.

“Okay,” he replied, still seeming rather dazed. Maybe he hadn’t liked it as much as Phil had, the slightly older boy worried.

Phil leaned back the tiniest fraction, causing Dan to in turn release his hold on his arm and blink rapidly, as if finally snapping back into reality.

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asked, slightly worried for his friend. Dan nodded slowly, looking at Phil with his big, brown eyes. “And that was . . . Okay for you? It wasn’t bad?”

Dan’s forehead creased as he shook his head quickly. “No, of course not. It was a good first kiss, don’t worry.”

Phil smiled, a rosy blush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. At least Dan wasn’t disappointed, he thought.

The sound of knocking at Phil’s door startled the both of them out of their peaceful moment, making them turn their heads in unison.

“Dinner time,” Martyn called unenthusiastically on the other side of Phil’s wooden door.

“Okay!” Phil replied.

The two teens pushed up off of the green and blue bedspread, nearly making it to the door before Dan spoke again.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah, Dan?”

“Thanks,” he said sincerely. “Also, aside from bragging, let’s never talk about this again.”

Phil laughed, pushing open the door and holding it open for Dan. “Sure thing.”


	3. fifteen

The week after Phil’s fifteenth birthday, Dan had showed up on his doorstep with nothing but a backpack filled with clothes and a toothbrush, claiming only that his dad was gone and that no, he didn’t want to fucking talk about it. 

Of course, being his best friend and respecting his privacy, Phil didn’t push it, only grabbing a spare sleeping bag and pillow from the storage closet and and laying them down on the floor beside his bed for himself. If Phil knew anything about Dan when he was upset, it was that a bad night's sleep was the very last thing he’d need, and that would be the final straw to send him over the edge. 

Dan stayed with the Lester’s for nearly two weeks, at first sleeping on Phil’s bed while the latter slept rather uncomfortably on the carpet beside him, but then later on inviting him to sleep on the double bed with him. 

In spite of the information Dan wasn’t quite ready to disclose with Phil, Jenny and Kath had been in rather frequent contact, Kath spending nearly every evening drinking wine at the Howell’s and even offering to stay for a while if that’s what Jenny had needed.

Going along with what Dan had initially stated as he’d stormed into the Lester home two weeks prior, his dad had left, suddenly and out of nowhere, as he’d put it. Though according to Jenny, it had really been a long time coming. They’d been arguing a lot whenever Dan had been staying with Phil, which apparently had been a common occurrence ever since they’d moved into the new house four years ago. 

Regardless of the details, Dan’s dad was gone now, and neither Jenny nor Kath believed he’d be coming back anytime soon. 

To make matters worse in the saddest of ways, Colin had passed away of old age in mid February. Dan had been devastated, perhaps even more so than when his father had left. His dad and him were never overly close, but Dan and Colin had formed a bond, the kind that was only ever found between a dog and their boy slave. 

In the long run, even Phil was convinced that Colin’s death was merely the rotten cherry on top of a bitter and distasteful ice-cream sundae. 

In the six months following Mr Howell’s departure from the neighborhood and Colin’s departure from the world, Phil had been witness to many sides of Dan that he’d never even imagined were there, hidden. Dan had grown horrendously depressed, especially during the first two months, and even sporadically every now and again in smaller episodes since then. 

Phil had known Dan for a whole four years –hell, he’d been Dan’s best friend for four years without knowing that Dan was clinically depressed, and yet his obliviousness didn’t stop it from being a fact. At first, Phil had wondered if that made him a bad friend, not knowing entirely of Dan’s struggles, but in the end he knew it was much more important that he just be there for him in the moment instead of dwelling on the past. 

Dan needed him then, and so he’d tried his very best to make his life as better as he possibly could. This in turn meant many sleepless nights spent chatting on the phone about feelings and issues, and sometimes even just random small talk. Sometimes Dan needed a makeshift therapist, but other times he just needed a friend. 

Of course, Phil was willing to be either. 

Just as the boys finished year ten, things were finally beginning to slow down a bit, and this time for the better, they hoped. Nothing was quite as good as it’d been the year before, but then again Phil doubted it might ever be. 

On this particular July night, Dan was sprawled out on his bed, head hanging off the edge as he looked at Phil upside down. The latter was sat on the floor facing Dan with his legs crossed beneath himself. 

“What are you looking at, Howell?” Phil asked playfully.

Dan smirked. “A rat named Phil.”

Phil laughed, leaning back and steadying himself on the carpet behind himself with his hands. “That sounds like the name of a children’s book,” he mused. 

Dan laughed as well, shaking his head a bit. “One that I would never let my babies read, ever.”

A few moments passed in comfortable silence before Phil decided he was really rather unhappy on the floor and moved up onto the head of Dan’s bed, leaning against the headboard and crossing his legs at the ankles. Dan didn’t acknowledge his friend’s movement, instead continuing to stare at the wall adjacent to him. 

“Dan?” He spoke. Dan looked up, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “What’s on your mind?” 

“Change.”

Phil cocked his head to the left. “What do you mean by that?” He asked. 

“Like, some positive change would be good right about now,” Dan answered. 

Phil frowned. He agreed with Dan’s statement quite a lot, though. Really, the only changes they’d seen in the past few months had been either bad or completely neutral, and neither of those were what they needed. “A big positive change or a little one?” 

Dan was silent a moment more, thinking. “Just a small one would be fine, I reckon. Just something different, but not a bad different, y'know?” 

Phil nodded yes. 

A little over a week later, he returned to Dan’s house with a winter hat on his head, covering all of his hair. 

On the way up to Dan’s room, he ran into Jenny, greeting her with a wide smile and a wave before continuing up the stairs. 

Once at the top of the staircase, he knocked on Dan’s door, something he rarely ever did unless it was before nine in the morning. 

The door slowly swung open, Dan’s facial expression quickly changing from one of curiosity and wariness to one of recognition and contentment. 

“Why’d you knock, you spoon?” He asked, holding the door open for a very smiley Phil. 

The aforementioned shrugged, stepping into Dan’s small, monochrome themed room and looking to his friend with excitement sparkling in his eyes. 

“What did you do?” Dan asked suspiciously. “Why are you so cheery? It’s scary.”

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed, playfully hitting Dan’s arm all the while maintaining his grin. “I have something to show you!”

Dan rolled his eyes, but nevertheless, he was smiling widely now, too. 

“What? Did you steal someone’s infinite supply of serotonin? Are you gonna share?” 

Phil glared. “Shut up, rat.” 

He pulled off his blue hat, revealing his new raven hair and shaking his head a bit. His hair was just long enough that a few stray strands of hair decided to fall down in front of his impossibly blue eyes, which according to his mum made him look younger. 

Dan gasped, toothy smile widening as he reached forward to run his fingers through Phil’s hair. He gently twirled one of the black strands around his finger before releasing it and giggling. 

“Phil!” He spoke excitedly. “You look so good!” 

Phil beamed, laughing lightheartedly as he moved to sit on his friend’s bed, Dan following suit. 

“Do you like it?” He asked tentatively. 

“Of course! You look so . . . I don’t know, you just look like you.”

“Thanks. So do you reckon this counts as a minuscule positive life change?”

Dan’s eyes still fixated on Phil’s hair, he reached out his hand once more, flicking a particular strand of hair that was still standing up due to being under Phil’s hat for so long. 

“Yes, I think so. You look right snazzy.”

Phil laughed, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his crooked teeth. “Thanks.”

After a few moments passed of Dan just playing with Phil’s hair, he frowned the fakest frown he could muster. “I want something snazzy on my head, too,” he whined. 

Phil thought for a moment before jumping to his feet and sinking to the floor, sticking a long arm under Dan’s bed and patting his hand around aimlessly in hopes of finding what he was looking for, and not just some half-hidden porn magazine or stale candies. When he finally felt what he’d intended to find, he muttered an “aha!” and pulled it out from its dark abyss of a hiding place, dropping it onto the bed. 

“My llama hat?” Dan cackled. Nevertheless, he picked it up and plopped it onto his head, pulling the strings down so far that only a few of his signature brown curls managed to peek through at the bottom. 

“There, now you look like the sexiest bloke in all of Manchester,” said Phil after climbing back onto the bed and leaning against the headboard. 

“You think so?” Dan asked. 

“Oh, definitely. I’d even go as far as to say the whole of Europe. Really, Harry Styles won’t know what hit him.”

“I hate you,” Dan uttered, fondness not well hidden in his pointless lie. 

A few hours later, phil was asking if he could stay the night, and of course, Dan and Jenny happily agreed. There was no need to run next door and grab a sleeping bag or pillow. They’d known each other long enough that any awkwardness about sleeping in the same bed together had completely dissipated, even in their awkward teenage years.

It was now a little past midnight, and the only light found in the room was being emitted from the bright screens of their cellphones, which illuminated their faces– eye bags, double chins, and all.

“Louise wants us to go to a party with her and Cat tomorrow night. It’s at some twelfth year’s house, I think,” Dan spoke lowly, turning to face Phil. 

“Do you wanna go?” He asked.

Dan nodded. “As long as you do.”

Smiling, Phil nodded. “Okay then. Tell her we’ll be there. Martyn will probably be going, so he can give us a ride.”

Dan typed away in his phone, presumably writing to Louise to tell her that she could count on them to be present. 

Ten minutes later, they were asleep. 

When they awoke the next morning, Phil immediately texted his older brother about the party that night. Martyn replied a few minutes later saying he was down to drive them there, and asked for the address. 

That night when they arrived at the party, they weren’t given a full five minutes to process anything before they were being ambushed by Louise and her bubbly entourage of friends, half of which must’ve already been drunk if their incoherent babbling and flirting was anything to go by. 

“Hey, Dan,” Louise spoke, drawing out the ‘A’ in his name. “Hey, Phil.” She did the same with the ‘I’ in his. 

Phil watched awkwardly as Dan gave her that signature flirty smile, the one that Phil was both jealous of and a sucker for. 

“Hey, Louise!” He exclaimed over the insistent buzz of the party around them. “Hello, Catrific.” Dan waved curtly to Cat, using the nickname that always made her blush for some reason when it came from Dan’s lips.

She was about to respond but was cut off when Louise came surging forward, mouth agape as she ran her fingers through Phil’s newly black hair.

“Phil!” She exclaimed. “Your hair! It’s black now!” 

Phil laughed, swatting her hand away. “Good observation, Louise.”

After a few minutes more of the group of girls gushing over Phil’s new hair and Dan’s same everything, they migrated into the house where the party was taking place. 

Not a minute later, they were in the kitchen making drinks and talking to friends. In fact, the entire rest of the evening went as that. Making drinks and talking to friends, making drinks and talking to friends, making drinks and talking to friends. Repeat. 

After an hour or so, Dan and Phil were rather tipsy but still not quite fully intoxicated, leaning against the walls of the house’s modern looking kitchen and talking about nonsense that to anyone else would seem just that. 

In the time span of maybe five minutes, two girls had slowly inserted themselves first just into the kitchen, and then close enough to the two boys to be laughing at their dumb remarks and leaning against their shoulders. 

“Dan, you’re really cute,” a tall girl with fox-like red hair slurred, her wide green eyes looking up at dan. 

Dan laughed nervously. Sure he and Phil weren’t exactly quite sober, but they were still rather far from being drunk. “Thanks.”

The other girl, whose hair was black like Phil’s, only much longer, and whose lips were painted a vibrant red giggled at seemingly nothing. Maybe she’d just remembered a funny joke? 

The black haired girl ghosted a manicured hand up the length of Phil’s arm. Okay, so maybe now Phil was breaching on uncomfortable as well.

Dan laughed nervously as the red head leaned in closer, breathing air that probably smelled of alcohol onto his face, and snaked an arm up and around his neck. 

In reality, these girls were probably a few years older than Dan and Phil, and if they were sober then they’d probably be appalled at the notion of being draped over some fifteen year old. Phil wished they were indeed, sober, and he was pretty confident that he shared this wish with his best friend. 

Phil watched anxiously, trying discreetly to push the girl away from him, as the green eyed girl attempted to lean in and kiss Dan. 

Dan quickly but gently shoved her off, unhooking her arm from his neck and placing it by her side. “Okay,” he laughed, “I think you two should start drinking water, or something.” 

The girl in close proximity to Dan frowned exaggeratedly, her bottom lip jutting out dramatically as if to guilt Dan into changing his mind. Phil briefly wondered if that had ever worked on another boy. 

“What?” She asked accusingly. “Never been kissed before?” 

Phil observed curiously as his friend’s neck began to turn a flush pink which slowly spread to his cheeks as he reached his hand behind himself to scratch pointlessly at the back of his head. If he hadn’t have been watching, Phil probably wouldn’t have noticed Dan’s quick look in his direction.

“Uh, er, no,” Dan answered the moody girl’s question, probably hoping just as much as Phil was that she and her friend would just give up already and leave the two of them to talk giddily about anime or something. 

The girl crossed her arms, eyebrows now furrowed. 

“Then why won’t you let me kiss you?” 

Dan looked at a loss for a proper answer. He sent a desperate glance at Phil, which the latter took as a plea for assistance. So Phil being Phil voiced the first excuse that came to his mind, instantly regretting it to some degree and hoping that maybe the girls would be too drunk to remember in the morning. 

“Cause he’s my boyfriend!” Phil quipped with a hint of false enthusiasm. He pushed past the black haired girl and stood beside his ‘boyfriend’, laying an arm over his shoulders and praying to god that Dan wouldn’t hate him too much for doing so. 

To his surprise he felt Dan release a heavy sigh of air before tilting his head up to press a barely there peck to Phil’s jaw. He was staying in character, that’s all. Dan then turned to face the girls and waved goodbye, tugging at Phil’s sleeve as he pulled them out of the kitchen, through the house, and outside onto the front porch, laughing all the way. 

Phil joined in the laughter once they were down onto the grass, walking with Dan to Martyn’s car and leaning against it’s cool metal. 

“I hope you didn’t mind having a boyfriend for thirty seconds back there. I didn’t know what else to say,” Phil spoke with a certain degree of sincerity. He doubted he would be, but he didn’t want Dan to be upset with him. 

Dan waved it off with a quick movement of his hand through the night air, shaking his head. “Not at all. Honestly, thank you. Being gay with you for a few seconds was probably the best case scenario in that situation.”

Phil wasn’t sure why, but at hearing that he felt a feeling akin to butterflies in his stomach. 

It was only a few minutes more before Martyn was walking out of the house, muttering that he’d stayed sober for his idiot brother and his friend, so he wanted to be out of there as soon as possible. Martyn seemed to have a thing about being around intoxicated people. He didn’t like it, it seemed. 

That night, Dan ended up staying at Phil’s house and crashing on the bed with him, still fully clothed and on top of the blankets.


	4. seventeen

Regardless of how unlikely and even impossible it may seem, in another two years, Dan and Phil had somehow managed to grow even closer together. 

Both being seventeen now, they’d each matured phenomenally both mentally and physically in the time between the summer before their eleventh year and the summer after their twelfth. Their voices had deepened, their postures had perhaps worsened, and their likes and attractions had refined quite a bit. 

In the middle of the previous school year, Dan had sat his friend down on his bed and come out to him as bisexual, which Phil took as well as he probably could have. 

“Phil . . . I’m bisexual,” Dan had spoken, the last two words coming out far quicker than the first. 

Phil had stared at him in surprise for a moment before blinking a few times and pushing himself back into reality. Wow, he’d thought. He was sure Dan was just going to confess to stealing his Undertale shirt or something. But okay, this was fine too. 

“So, wait– so you like both girls and boys?” He’d asked, hoping it hadn’t come out too rude. 

Dan had shrugged, now avoiding eye contact with Phil. 

“Well, I think I prefer boys over girls, but yeah. Basically.”

Phil’d smiled softly, placing a warm and comforting hand on Dan’s shoulder and asking Dan to look at him. “That’s okay,” he spoke. He’d thought a short moment, internally attempting to decide how to word the next part before proceeding. “I’m really glad you decided to trust me with this, Dan. And I hope you know that it really doesn’t change the way I see you, at all.”

It had seemed to be an adequate answer, because before he could blink he was being engulfed in a giant hug, wrapping his arms around Dan and squeezing tightly. 

Now that it was once again summer and there were no deadlines or wake-up times, the two boys were back to their usual shenanigans of staying at each other's houses every night, which usually meant making dinner for whoever’s family they were staying with. 

Tonight, that meant Jenny. In an entire twenty eight months, Dan’s father hadn’t so much as sent a text to either him nor his mother, leaving them to believe in the near certainty that he never would try to contact them. Jenny was by no means a weak woman, nor did she need the presence of a man in her life in order to feel complete, but that didn’t mean she ever refused when her son and his friend decided to make her meals and do her laundry. She appreciated it, really. 

Phil was currently leaned against the kitchen counter beside the stove, watching lazily as Dan flipped pancakes with some old spatula they’d found. 

It was a Sunday; pancake dinners were a necessity in Jenny’s books. 

“Can you pass me the batter?” Asked Dan as he placed the two pancakes he’d previously been flipping onto a plate on the counter beside the burning element. 

Phil nodded. “Here ya go,” he mumbled as he slid the bowl over. 

Looking down into the glass bowl, the aforementioned frowned, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at the remaining batter with confusion in his brown eyes. 

“Phil?” He asked. Phil hummed in affirmation. “Have you been eating the raw batter?”

Phil looked to the side, deliberately avoiding eye contact and moving slowly to hide his batter covered spoon behind him. “No.”

Jenny laughed from behind them at the dining room table, audibly flipping the page of her magazine. 

“Phil! You’re going to get sick or something!” Dan exclaimed. He poked Phil in the stomach with the end of the spatula and gave him over exaggeratedly wide eyes for pointless emphasis. Pointless, because Phil wasn’t gonna stop licking the spoon when Dan wasn’t looking.

“I’m not gonna get sick! I’m an experienced batter licker!” He argued, folding his arms over his chest. 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Sure, put that on your resume, why don’t you.”

Five minutes later, Phil was at it again, this time speedily sucking the creamy batter off the tip of his fingers as Dan whipped around to catch him in the act. 

“Phil! Stop it!” 

“I can’t help it! It’s addictive!” Phil whined.

Dan swatted at him with his hand, which Phil narrowly avoided by squishing up against the counter. “Lester, I swear to God I will fucking defenestrate you!” Dan exclaimed loudly, loud enough for his mum to hear quite clearly. 

Phil laughed and so did Dan, but after a moment, Dan gave him a strange look. Phil very briefly wondered what it meant before clicking into the fact that Dan Howell had just explicitly swore in front of his mum and she hadn’t even peeped a single word. Dan’s mum didn’t like swearing, everyone knew that. 

Turning around in almost unison, the boys’ eyes landed on Jenny Howell, her one hand braced against the hardwood of the table she was stood in front of and the other clutched tightly over the left side of her chest. Her face was pale, almost ghastly, and her eyes were staring fixated at the wall in front of her, almost as if she feared moving them. 

“Mum?” Dan asked, he voice cautious. Scared, even. “Mum, are you okay?”

Jenny’s eyes flicked up, her eyes just as scared as her son’s voice. “My heart is–“ she swallowed, “beating . . . Very fast.”

And then she was dropping to the floor, the side of her head knocking harshly against the side of the table as she went. 

“Oh god,” Dan shrieked, scrambling across the tiled floor to lean down to his mother. “Oh god, she’s passed out, Phil! What do we do?” He asked, panicking clearly now. 

Phil stood frozen in shock for only a second before hastily turning off the stove burner and pulling his phone from his pocket with shaky hands. “I’m calling nine-nine-nine,” he announced, his voice uneven. 

After telling the operator their problem and stating his address, Phil was told to stay on the line, confirming for the operator that Dan’s mum was in fact still breathing and with a pulse –a fast one. “She’s just not awake,” Phil spoke frustratedly. 

After further instruction from the voice on the other end of the line, he asked Dan to check for Jenny’s pulse again, to which he announced was much, much faster. Too fast. 

Next thing he knew, he was answering the door to paramedics and watching Dan be pushed aside from his mother’s unconscious state. 

Dan was crying, now, and Phil was surprised that he wasn’t as well. When offered the chance, he climbed up into the back of the ambulance with his best friend, holding the latter tightly while he released a terrified sob, all the while staring helplessly at the all too intimidating machines and wires that littered the cramped vehicle. 

An hour later, they were still in the hospital’s waiting room. 

Phil had called his parents to inform them of what had happened and where they were. “Jenny’s collapsed. Me and Dan are at the hospital and–“ before he could finish his sentence, Kath was speaking. 

“We’re on our way. Hold tight.”

When the doctor came out a few hours later to speak to Dan along with Phil and his parents, he informed the group that Jenny had suffered a heart attack and a concussion from hitting her head but was currently stable. He made it clear that she’d need to be kept in hospital for at least a week for observations, and Kath didn’t hesitate one ounce before offering her home to Dan for the time being. 

Technically, they all knew he was more than capable of staying at home alone, being seventeen and all. But emotionally, that wouldn’t be the best option. 

The first few following days were hard. 

Dan refused to voice any of his concerns or show any negative emotion, keeping a poker face during most times. When he smiled, Phil could tell it was ingenuine. 

After awhile, he was almost making things awkward between the two of them, avoiding any physical contact, even hugs, save for when they both slept in Phil’s bed together at night. But even then, he kept to his side and tried his best to press himself against the wall. 

If it had been any other time in their lives, Phil would’ve assumed he’d done something colossally wrong to upset his friend, but he knew that wasn’t it. Dan was hurting. He’d had to watch his mother collapse in front of him in what might have been the scariest moment of his teenage years. It was terrifying for Phil, so he couldn’t even begin to imagine how Dan felt. 

“We’re going out for the day,” Kath announced. “Do you and Dan want to come?” 

Phil looked to the side, where Dan was sat on the other end of the sofa. Dan’s far off expression was enough to tell him that no, they did not want to go. 

“I think we’ll pass today. Thanks anyway, mum,” he replied. 

Kath shot him an almost sympathetic look before nodding. 

“Well, we probably won’t be back until after dinner, as your brother has a dentist appointment later and we’ll probably just grab dinner after that. There’s pasta in the cupboard for you two,” she informed Phil, gesturing to the kitchen through the large entry way. 

“Alright, thanks mum. We’ll be fine on our own, I promise.”

Kath smiled, to which her son returned the gesture. “Alright, then. Have a good day, child. You too, Daniel.”

Dan lifted his head, giving Kath a polite yet insincere smile and mumbling a “you too”. 

A few minutes later and Kath, Nigel, and Martyn were out the door. 

Phil turned to his friend. “Are you hungry? I can make us some sandwiches, or something.”

Dan responded with a small nod and slouched further into the couch, as if he were attempting to let it swallow him whole. 

Migrating to the kitchen, which was only a few metres away, Phil busied himself by making sandwiches, as promised. He continued speaking, even though there was no response and he was really just talking to himself, but he didn’t care. A large part of him hoped that Dan might decide to answer eventually. 

There did become a time a short while later, however, that Dan was being ridiculously quiet though. His heart picked up its pace as he remembered the last time someone had been uncharacteristically silent behind him. It had also been when he’d been making food, too.

Turning around, he was relieved to see that Dan wasn’t in danger or anything, but he certainly wasn’t okay. Dan was still crouched in the closest corner of the sofa, clutching knees pulled up to his chest as salty tears cascaded quickly down his cheeks. 

Phil dropped what he was doing immediately and speed walked over to the couch. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he spoke, climbing onto the space beside his emotional wreck of a friend and pulling the latter into his chest. 

Within seconds, Phil felt the warm wetness of tears soaking through his shirt, but he didn’t mind. Dan really let go, then, releasing the first broken sob loudly and then letting his emotion control him. He grabbed tightly at the fabric of Phil’s red t-shirt, finally no longer seeming to give a damn about personal space.

Phil let him cry, and cry, and cry. He didn’t try to interrupt him, or make him stop, he merely let Dan get it all out. 

When he’d calmed down enough to be spoken to and actually respond, Phil rubbed one hand over Dan’s back as the other massaged gently through his dark brown curls. His breathing was still rather uneven, but he was significantly more stable by now. 

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his oversized jumper. 

Phil shook his head. “It’s okay to cry, Dan. I’d rather you let it out than bottle it up.”

A short silence ensued during which Dan rested his head fully against Phil’s shoulder and the aforementioned continued to play with his hair, wrapping a few of the loosely wound strands around his index finger. 

“Thanks,” Dan whispered. 

Phil nodded once more, though Dan probably couldn’t even see the movement. “Do you wanna talk about it at all?” He asked. 

Dan was quiet a moment before speaking once more. “I’m just scared. I don’t know if my moms gonna be okay for sure, and . . . I don’t know. I’m just really scared of losing everyone, Phil.”

“That’s okay. But I’m sure your mum is going to be fine. Dan, can you look at me for a second?” 

Dan sat up, still in close proximity to Phil as he looked up at him with wide brown eyes and listened as he continued. 

“You should know by now that my family is your family, too, and this family isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere, Dan,” Phil assured him. It was the truth; Dan was a part of Phil's family, and family doesn’t abandon you. 

Dan didn’t respond with any words, but with actions instead. Slowly, Phil noticed as Dan began to lean his face closer to Phil’s, and to his shock, he noticed that he, himself, was leaning in as well. That is, until he wasn’t. 

“Dan, I can’t,” he forced out, ‘can’t’ being the keyword. It certainly wasn’t that he didn’t want to kiss Dan, it was that doing so now wouldn’t be right. 

Dan looked hurt, to begin with. He looked hurt, and confused. The last thing Phil had wanted was to upset Dan even further, but he couldn’t do this now. 

Dan looked down at his lap, avoiding his newly established eye contact with Phil. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have–“

“No,” Phil interrupted. “Dan, it’s not that I don’t want to kiss you.”

Dan frowned, but looked up at Phil. Progress. 

“Then why didn’t you?” The fragile boy asked quietly. 

Phil’s eyes went soft as he looked down at his best friend, so confused and in need of something to put trust in. “Because you’re upset right now, and you’re vulnerable. You’re looking for comfort, and the last thing I’d want right now is for you to do something you’ll regret later.” With every word, Dan seemed to understand a little more, his head nodding up and down slowly. “Kissing you when you’re like this would be abusing your trust and taking advantage of you. If you still wanna kiss me tonight, when you’re more stable, then that’s okay. I’ll kiss you. But until then, let’s go eat sandwiches and watch a movie, yeah?”

The corners of Dan’s lips tugged up into a small but thankfully genuine smile, one that reached his eyes. “Thank you.”

Phil warmly accepted the hug that he then received from Dan, squeezing him tightly once before releasing him and helping him up off the couch to go retrieve their sandwiches from the kitchen. 

The next few hours were, as promised, spent watching a few movies that Dan had carefully picked out, all films that Phil recognized as Dan’s ‘happy movies’. 

When dinner time rolled around, they moved back into the kitchen, working in a joint effort to make the pasta that Kath had suggested hours earlier. 

“Do you think it’s ready?” Dan asked, referring clearly to the spaghetti in the pot. 

Phil shrugged. “I dunno. Throw it at a wall. I think if it sticks, it’s ready, but if it falls then it’s not.”

Dan laughed, looking at his friend in disbelief and amusement. “Are you serious?” 

Phil nodded. “That’s what mum told me, I think. Unless it’s just another one of those dumb things I believed as a kid.” 

Dan snorted, a melodic laugh escaping his lips as he backed up and gestures towards the pot. 

“Well then, go on!” He promoted. “Test your theory, Lester.”

“Fine, I will.” Phil used a fork to pick a strand of spaghetti from the lowly boiling water and blowed on it a bit. When he deemed the noodle cool enough to handle with his fingers, he picked it up. “Watch this, Howell!” 

In one swift movement, Phil threw warm pasta at the closest wall, grinning widely as it stuck surprising well to the drywall. 

“Ha!” He exclaimed, picking the noodle off of the wall and dropping it into his mouth. He stuck his two thumbs up, smiling with his mouth full. “It’s done!” 

Dan chuckled, moving to turn off the burner and move the pasta to the strainer in the sink. “Alright, alright. You win.”

Phil moved to stand beside Dan at the sink, turning on the cool stream of water from the faucet to cool down the pasta a bit and keep it from burning, a step that he knew Dan always forgot. 

And it was as they were standing there, side by side, that dan seemed to remember something that Phil had said earlier that morning. “Phil?” He asked. “Can you kiss me now?” 

Phil smiled, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering like mad as he turned to directly face Dan, who did the same. He placed a hand under Dan’s jaw, using it to the tilt the aforementioned’s face up just the right way. 

And then they were leaning in again, but this time, Phil wasn’t pulling back. The moment their lips pressed together, he knew he didn’t want to stop, that he couldn’t even dream of pulling away now. The kiss was sweet, the movement of their lips gentle and cautious at this new feeling. Compared to the pathetic kiss they’d shared so many years ago, this was so incredibly better. So much more genuine, too. 

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and slotted himself even closer to Phil’s body, if that was possible, and even when it was over, he didn’t move. With foreheads leaned together and easy smiles dancing across their pink lips, the boys stood there in bliss.

At the sound of the front door opening, they moved apart, greeting Phil’s family and continuing their original job of making themselves dinner, smiling all the while, and even more so when Kath announced she’d just received a phone call from the doctor’s office informing her that Jenny was to be discharged the next day. She was going to be okay– they all were. 

An hour later they were on Phil’s bed, each lying on their backs and looking up at the dark ceiling above them, hands tangled together in between them. 

“Hey Dan?” Phil spoke, voice just above a whisper. 

Dan hummed in response. 

“Do you regret it?” He asked. 

Dan shook his head on the pillow, gently closing his eyes as sleep called on him. “No, of course not, you spoon. Do you?” 

“No, not at all,” replied Phil into the darkness, turning his head to press a short kiss to Dan’s temple as if to prove his point. 

Smiling smiled, eyes still closed, and squeezed Phil’s hand. “Good, because I think I love you. Like, as more than a best friend. I think I’ve loved you for a while.”

Phil squeezed back, the corners of his mouth tugging up. “I think I love you, too.”


	5. nineteen

In the past two years of their lives, Phil had continued to stick with Dan through everything. 

They’d stuck with each other through first dates, and coming out to already assuming parents, through graduation and university acceptances. Even when Dan had went through a miniature mental breakdown and dropped out after the first semester of law school, Phil stuck with him.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Phil,” Dan had spoke quietly one night during a particularly taxing study session. 

Phil had lifted his head, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his crooked nose and giving his boyfriend his full attention. 

“Do what?” He asked, only a bit scared. 

Dan ran a hand through his messily straightened hair, hiding his face with his hands for a moment. When he looked up again, it was with large intake of air into his lungs as silent tears rolled down his flushed cheeks. 

“Law school,” Dan mumbled, keeping his eyes dead ahead of himself. 

Phil smiled sympathetically. “Don’t worry, Dan. It’ll get easier, and then before you know it you’ll be living the dream as a fully functioning lawy–“

“No!” Exclaimed Dan, much louder than he’d been before. “I don’t even want to be a lawyer! It’s not even my dream!”

Phil had listened to him express his feelings, every single one of them, and when he was done, Phil thought he probably understood Dan a lot more. 

As it turned out, Dan had only been attending law school in hopes of providing for his mum. She’d given him the best childhood possible, so he wanted to give her the best life from then on. 

As much as Phil had understood, he’d also tried his very best to make it clear that Dan needed to do what his heart wanted, not what his over generous mind wanted. 

“You need to become whoever you become for yourself, and no one else. I’m sure your mum will love you whether you turn out to be a lawyer or a mailman, Dan. And I will, too. If you want to drop out, then that’s okay. It’s your decision.”

Dan wrote a letter to the University of Manchester the next day, and officially dropped out not a week later. 

And now, half a year after that, they still remained together in every aspect, still supporting each other through thick and thin. 

Phil had just finished his first year of university on his way to receive his degree in linguistics, and Dan was perfectly content working at a popular grocery store in the heart of Manchester. 

They shared a very small apartment which they’d began renting last summer after Dan turned eighteen, having both wanted to stay close to each other and stray from their suburban family lives. 

Jenny was doing okay, her health having been completely stable since the heart scare a few years back. She’d even gotten herself a new dog– a golden retriever named Baylee. 

Whenever Jenny visited, she often brought Baylee along with her. She wasn't Colin, but she was still a beautiful dog, one that Dan and Phil loved as if she were their own. 

However, they’d decided upon maybe saving up getting a dog of their own for later on in their lives. 

Right before turning twenty, Phil stumbled upon the world of YouTube, which he used mainly to binge watch videos of baby animals. He had no shame, and neither did his boyfriend when he came to sit with Phil after a long day and join in watching the fluffy pureness. 

In April, Phil picked up his phone and began filming his own videos, as did Dan. They began capturing special moments and often times using it as an impersonal film diary, which they then posted on the website that was slowly growing in popularity. 

A few months later, people began to actually watch them, the two having gained a rather substantial amount of subscribers who commented on and viewed their content on the regular. 

Now, merely weeks after their sudden miniature popularity, Phil proposed a question to Dan; “Do you want to film a video together?” He asked, standing in the doorway of their shared bedroom. 

Dan looked up from his laptop where he was busy editing a video called ‘Butterfingers’. “What kind of video?”

Phil moved to sit on the end of their bed. “A Q&A type thing, I think.”

Dan frowned, shutting his laptop screen slightly and raising an eyebrow at Phil. He looked skeptical. 

“That’s rather boring, don’t you think?”

“We’ll make it special and fun!” Phil responded, rolling his eyes. 

“And how do you suppose we’ll go about this?”

Phil thought a moment, saying the first words that came to mind. “Sharpied on cat whiskers and random editing. No serious answers, too.”

Dan laughed. “Okay then, Lester. And what are we gonna call it?” 

“Phil Is Not On Fire,” he came up with on the spot, combining their two usernames to create the monstrosity that had just left his mouth. 

Chuckling, Dan reopened his laptop and opened Twitter, typing out a quick tweet and asking for random questions. When he was done, he pressed the publish button, watching as a few dozen replies came almost instantly. 

“Phil Is Not On Fire,” repeated Dan, testing how the phrase sounded coming from his own mouth. “Okay.”

Come October, the two young men found themselves driving the short distance back to Phil’s childhood home to meet Martyn’s not-so-new girlfriend, Cornelia. 

Cornelia was lovely, to say the least. With hair as red as the sun and a face dusted with delicate freckles paired with a stunning sense of compassion and a natural knack for humour, Phil could easily understand why his brother was so in love with her. She was Martyn’s Dan. 

As well as meeting this wonderful extension to the Lester family, Dan and Phil both dubbed this as the perfect time to finally film the first ever Phil Is Not On Fire, which would just as appropriately take place in Phil’s messy teenage bedroom. 

Dan set up their shitty camera, balancing it on a stack of books facing Phil’s dresser while Phil busied himself in fixing his splinge. 

“Are you ready?” Dan asked Phil, already sat in front of the camera. 

Phil, still stood off to the side, nodded as Dan pressed the ‘record’ function and began filming, all the while picking up one of Phil’s tiny stuffed lions and pretending to eat it. 

Phil glanced over, shaking his head fondly off camera. “Are you putting the lion in your mouth?”

Phil moved to sit beside Dan on the floor, a black dry erase pen in hand as he let his boyfriend read the first question aloud. 

“Why do you always make cat whiskers?”


	6. twenty six

Over the next six years, not only had their fondness for each other grown, but so had their popularity. The two had gained millions of subscribers across their three channels, which now included a joint gaming channel where they basically just played their favourite video games while playfully screaming at each other and enjoying some top quality bants. 

Phil’s idea for Phil Is Not On Fire had wound up being not only a huge success for them, but also more fun than they ever could have anticipated. So fun, in fact, that they’d continued making the videos each year, refusing to stray from their path of messy cat whiskers and ridiculous questions. 

After the filming of PINOF Five, Phil had neglected to turn off the camera, wanting to catch the next few minutes on film so that he could relive them as for as long as he pleased in the event that this all went to plan.

He’d dropped to one knee, trying to be as cheesy and classic as possible, and pulled a small velvet box out of his back pocket, holding it out in front of him and looking up at Dan with loving eyes. 

After reciting his long rehearsed monologue when he’d officially let those four lovely words slip from his lips and opened the ring box to reveal a thin silver band embellished with three minuscule black stones, Dan hadn’t hesitated before dropping down to meet Phil on the floor and embracing him in a warm and tight hug. 

“So is that a yes?” Asked Phil. 

“Yes! Oh god, Phil. Yes!” He’d sobbed, his words muffled slightly by the shoulder of Phil’s shirt, but not muffled enough for Phil not to have heard. The latter beamed so brightly he thought his cheek muscles might be sore later, but he really couldn’t care less. 

“I love you, Dan. So much,” Phil’d reminded him, hand tangled in the back of Dan’s once again curly hair. 

“I love you, too.”

Now, nearly a year later, Phil stood at the altar of a small chapel surrounded only by their closest of friends and family, and looking directly in the eyes of the man he was about to marry. 

As the woman between them listed off the vows they were meant to repeat, and as they did so, Phil’s mind couldn’t seem to help but wander elsewhere. 

Looking in Dan’s beautiful brown eyes, Phil could tell he was happier. That they both were. So many things had changed, and so many things would probably continue to change, but he hoped they would never stop growing happier. 

Phil had watched the man stood before him grow from the scared and shy eleven year old he once was into the strong and outgoing twenty five year old he was now, and he wouldn’t hesitate to watch it all over again if given the chance. 

Phil had grown and changed, too. He knew this from the way he’d learned to be more confident with his own appearance to the way he handled his emotions. And he was so okay with this knowledge, so at peace with the fact that he couldn’t stay the same forever –nothing does. Not even the way he loved Dan had stayed the same over the years. Everyday, Phil seemed to find something new in Dan to marvel over and find fondness in, from the off key tunes he hummed while pouring their coffee to the way he crawled into bed beside Phil when he was too tired to so much as function like a proper human being and mutter an exhausted goodnight. 

Phil lived for these oddities and quirks that made his Dan so unique and lovable, complex and beautiful. He theorized– no, he knew that as long as Dan continued on living, he wouldn’t ever stop finding comfort in these details. 

In the beginning, when they’d first met all those years ago, neither had known even a sliver of how much they’d mean to each other in the end. 

Their first encounter had been spent discussing the superiority complex of a tibetan terrier who was by now far gone and playing Mario Kart in Phil’s room until their fingers felt as if they would fall off. 

It was almost surreal, knowing after all this time how far they’d come together, and the certainty of how far they would continue to grow for each other and themselves. 

The reality was, Dan and Phil had met as neighbours, grown up as best friends, and matured as lovers, and Phil couldn’t wait to see where this journey would take them next. However, in the end, they’d always existed as soulmates, destined to be together through thick and thin and until their hearts stopped thrumming on. Dan and Phil were just soulmates, however ludicrous that may sound. 

This realization hit Phil like a freight train, and he felt a little bit dizzy as he snapped back into reality just in time to catch his fiancé’s sincere and loving look as he spoke the words “I do”, and as Phil repeated them back. 

And then they were kissing familier lips and wrapping arms around familiar bodies, and suddenly they weren’t fiancés anymore. 

They were husbands. 

Amongst the cheers, hoots, and hollers of the closely knit family around them, they exchanged “I love you”s, because even though they’d heard those words fall from each others lips thousands upon thousands of times, it was still nice to know. 

And as they made their way down the aisle, clutching hands tightly and grinning like mad men, Phil did know. He knew that he loved Dan and that Dan loved him, and he knew that he couldn’t wait to share the rest of his life, career, and universe with the boy from across the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading !! Maybe reblog on tumblr (@ordanary) ? As always, kudos and comments are super appreciated and I hope you have a lovely day <3


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